“If you come back when your dog cries, they’ll think crying brings you back.”

Yes. Yes they will.

Now let’s talk about why that isn’t a bad thing.

A dog who cries is not trying to manipulate you. They are not being dramatic, they are not trying to control you, and they are certainly not doing it just because.

A dog who is crying is in distress. They are upset, panicking, afraid. They are seeking comfort and safety, and when you return, you provide that safety to them. You are teaching them that they can rely on you to protect them and that you will meet their emotional needs and care for their emotional safety.

Why is any of that something to be avoided?

When we talk about dog training, many of us tend to get stuck in an ‘operant’ mindset. Meaning, we focus too entirely on whether our actions are reinforcing or punishing certain behaviours, without considering why the behaviour is happening in the first place. We forget that dogs aren’t robots or simple input-output machines. Every behaviour a dog performs has value to them and serves a purpose - and a purpose such as seeking comfort is really important to that dog and should not be ignored.

Is harm really going to come from a dog who feels emotionally safe with you and feels like they can seek you for comfort? Is providing comfort to an animal going to increase their fear? Is leaving them to stew in their fear going to help them overcome it? There is a mountain of scientific research that tells us ‘no’. So instead of focusing on the behaviour itself, let’s allow our dogs to find comfort in us and address the things that make them feel the need to seek it. Let’s teach them to feel safe when they’re alone by comforting them, supporting them, and setting them up to tackle those situations in a way that is easy and achievable for them.

Let’s embrace a world where “don’t humanise animals” means we stop giving dogs human labels such as spiteful, dramatic, or manipulative - and not that we stop treating them like sentient individuals with valid wants, needs, and emotions.

I believe that we can live a life with our animals where we allow them to be themselves, to feel safe, and to express themselves; without obsessing about whether we’re ‘reinforcing’ basic expressions of fear or discomfort. We can love them, spoil them, and cuddle them freely, because none of those things contribute to behaviours that make sharing a life with a dog difficult. Come back for your dog when they cry for you. Comfort them when they’re afraid. And ignore the arbitrary rules that the internet loves to offer that do nothing but strip the joy from what it means to have a dog.