Do I Really Need to Suspend Absences?

One of the biggest stumbling blocks when it comes to helping your dog through separation anxiety is this: it is absolutely crucial that you do not leave your dog alone for longer than they can handle while you are training.

This is a requirement of training that many view as impractical, inaccessible, or in some cases outright impossible. Later in this post I’ll talk about ways that this is more possible than it may seem, but first… why exactly is suspending absences so important?

The goal when we are helping our dogs through separation anxiety is to teach them that they are safe when we leave. We are helping them trust that we will come back while they are still feeling okay, and that we won’t ask them to deal with anything they aren’t yet ready for. That trust is imperative to this process; our dogs cannot tell the difference between training and real life. From their perspective, either every absence is safe, or every absence has the potential to be unsafe. If we are continually breaking their trust and leaving them for longer than they can handle, they will never feel safe when we walk out the door.

Let’s try a human example. Imagine for a moment that you have a debilitating fear of water. Just the idea of going out on a boat is enough to get your heart racing! You are working through this fear with a therapist, who has a built a treatment plan for you that revolves around gradual exposure in small, manageable chunks.

You work with a swimming coach who helps you begin to work through this plan in the shallow end of the pool. With an understanding of the process, support, and feelings of safety, you gradually begin to feel more confident around water.

How do you think your progress would look if, periodically, your swimming coach shoved you into the deep end of the pool?

Would you feel safe during any point of your lessons? Would you be able to trust the process? How might the feeling of panic caused by feeling like you’re drowning impact your overall feelings toward water, even the ‘easy’ parts?

Leaving our dogs alone for longer than they can handle is the equivalent of shoving them in the deep end. Not only does it cause them significant distress in the moment, but it can cause them to lose trust in us, in the process, and in being alone altogether.

For many of you, this may sound like something you could never manage. But there are more options than you realize; don’t give up hope!

Suspending absences does not mean that you can never leave the house. That would absolutely be impractical and unfair. Thankfully, the majority of cases that fall under our general use of the term ‘separation anxiety’ are really just isolation distress - meaning, the dog is okay with any human company, not just yours!

When you think of finding someone to stay with your dog, many people will first think of paid options like dog daycares or dog walkers. Those are of course valid options, but they’re not accessible for everyone - especially if your dog is also fearful of other dogs or strangers. Family, friends, and neighbours are all excellent options; if your neighbour is being disturbed by your dog’s cries during the day, they may be especially motivated to help you overcome it!

But there are also solutions beyond these ‘obvious’ ideas. I guarantee you that there are people in your local community who would love a dog but can’t keep one themselves for whatever reason, and would be more than happy to spend a day or two in the week keeping yours company. Tapping into this could be a great resource - older retirees whose days are free and begging for company, church goers who are looking to serve their local communities, even college kids who could use a quiet place to study with good Wi-Fi and maybe a hot meal.

As a Certified Separation Anxiety Trainer, I can help you brainstorm ideas for ways to suspend absences. I can help you create cute flyers to post around in local groups, source ethical and qualified daycares or walkers, and just generally help you build a community of support to help you through this process. Because you do need support; whether you work with a trainer like myself or not, this is a long, difficult, and often isolating process, and the last thing you need is to go through it alone.

Suspending absences is a critical aspect of separation anxiety training. If it’s not something that feels achievable for you, you can book a free call with me and I would love to help you find some creative solutions!