Comparison is the Thief of Joy
There are two dogs I’m working with at the moment who started in the same week. Oscar, an adorable and sweet little Dacshund; and Luca, a beautiful Bernedoodle. Both dogs are dearly loved, and both dogs struggle when left alone. However, their journeys through separation anxiety training couldn’t be more different.
Oscar started with a threshold of around 40 seconds, but even those 40 seconds were not what I would call comfortable. He presented with separation related behaviours in a way that is very common - running between the door and the window, barking, crying, and howling. Like every dog that I work with, we tailored our approach specifically to him. After just one week of training he stayed comfortable through 7 minutes of alone time, and by week two he had soared past 30 minutes!
Luca, on the other hand, had an initial assessment that lasted 20 minutes because the only behaviours I saw from him were whining - he even laid down during the assessment. His separation related behaviours were more present when his mom was getting ready to leave or after she came home; although, she had captured a few instances of howling on her pet camera.
Many people would think that when a dog presents less ‘severe’ behaviours when left alone, that the process will be quicker and easier. Unfortunately, that’s not necessarily the case. Luca’s week two assessment lasted only 12 seconds.
Looking at these two dogs side by side, it would be so easy to get discouraged as Luca’s guardian. But there are two very, very important things to remember:
The way that a dog expresses their anxiety is not necessarily indicative of how distressed they are on the inside, or the ‘severity’ of their fear. If you put a clown in front of three people who were terrified of clowns, and one person screamed, another person froze and began to hyperventilate, and the third attempted to attack the clown, who would you think is more afraid? We all express fear in different ways, just as our dogs do.
No one’s journey is the same. Every individual’s behaviour is a unique product of their genetics, environment, past learning history, medical status, and more. We cannot ever predict or dictate how fast overcoming fear ‘should’ happen, and just because it happens quickly for one doesn’t mean it will be the same for another.
Looking at the progress that others are making is not only an unfair comparison, but it can also blind you to the progress that you are making. Just focusing on Luca’s week two duration - 12 seconds - overlooks the fact that he has stopped following his mom to the door for every single step of the training, and often doesn’t even lift his head when he hears the door. That’s amazing progress! Not only is it a big step in the right direcation, but it tells us that what we’re doing is working. Even if we wish it were faster, we are changing Luca’s feelings and responses toward being left alone, and he will overcome these fears at whatever pace he needs to.
If you feel like you’re not making any progress with your separation anxiety training, it’s okay to feel frustrated! This is a long, hard process - there’s no denying that. Maybe something needs to change in your protocol, or maybe there is some progress there that you’re just not seeing! But regardless of whether you need a training coach or just a cheerleader and someone who gets it, I can help. You can book a free call with me to find out more about what training with a CSAT looks like, and what kind of support you’ll receive. And know that you’re not alone!