Dogs with behavioural issues have not been failed.
The rise of social media has created a unique phenomenon in which certain people are able to build enormous platforms and have a heavy sway on people’s opinions and actions - not necessarily because they are a valid and evidence-based source of information, but because they understand what gets people’s attention.
This is true of the dog training world on social media, and its effect may be amplified even further by the fact that the industry is entirely unregulated. Anyone who ‘grew up with dogs’ can start calling themselves an expert and take your money to train your dog, regardless of their experience or education - or lack thereof.
As a result, those who turn to the world of social media to find information on how to help their dogs navigate the world might find it difficult to navigate themselves; not just in the form of harmful information that could harm their dogs, but also in relentless shaming for the way they choose to live life with their companion.
“You shouldn’t let your dog on the furniture.”
“You shouldn’t let your dog get excited to greet you.”
“You shouldn’t share your food with your dog.”
“You shouldn’t comfort your dog when they’re afraid.”
“You shouldn’t give your dog anything nice for free.”
“You shouldn’t let your dog ask for connection with you.”
And the one that breaks my heart the most…
“Your dog’s behaviour issues are your fault.”
Let me share some knowledge with you. Behaviour is incredibly multi-faceted. Every individual’s behaviour is a result of a unique combination of their genetics, environment, learning history, medical status, nutrition, and more. There is not a trainer on the planet who can look at a complex behaviour such as reactivity or separation anxiety and accurately boil it down to one simple cause. Because it is never, ever simple.
Yet they will use shame anyway, because shame is effective. It makes you feel like if you caused your dog’s behaviour, you couldn’t possibly help them through it on your own, so you need their guidance. And since you didn’t know enough to not cause this issue in the first place, you also must not know enough to speak up when your dog is clearly uncomfortable with the methods that your trainer employs, and if you feel uncomfortable administering physical punishment, well, it’s just because you don’t know enough. They’re the expert, after all.
But seeking help for your dog with behavioural issues inherently means that you cannot have failed them. Loving your dog, making them a part of the family, and doing your best with the information you have at the time means that you cannot have failed them. Your dog is a good dog, and they are so much more than the challenges they face.
And speaking of challenges, it is completely and utterly normal to have struggles. We as humans go through life with our own challenges - fears, anxieties, mental illness, or just plain likes and dislikes. These are all normal, and so they are for our dogs as well. It is unrealistic to expect our dogs, who live in a world that is very much not built for them, to be completely happy-go-lucky, relaxed, ‘bomb-proof’, and content with everything that we throw at them. It is unrealistic to expect dogs to never express when they are upset or uncomfortable, or have a bad day. Dogs who use behaviour to communicate discomfort are not ‘bad dogs’, and they have not been failed by anyone.
Stop letting ‘trainers’ whose only qualification is a large follower count make you feel bad about how you live your life with your dog. Stop worrying about society’s idea of what a ‘good dog’ looks like. Stop buying the lie that you need to strip away everything that makes your dog a dog, and everything that you share that brings you joy, in order to train them.
One of my favourite sayings is ‘if it’s not a problem for you, it’s not a problem’. If you don’t care that your dog jumps up at you, let them. If you don’t care that they’ll lick your plates clean when given the chance, take advantage of your dishwasher helper. If you love seeing that wiggly bum scoot toward you when you come home after a long day, then stop listening to unfounded advice to ignore them.
Enjoy your time with your dog, it’s too short not to. And if you face struggles that do impact yours or your dog’s quality of life, make sure that the people you employ to help you through it are qualified to do so.